So I am finally inspired to write the day before Mother’s Day. It’s been too long since I’ve written a personal blog post.
“What do you want for Mother’s Day?” my husband keeps asking.
“I need a list,” he says.
He wants something to go on. An idea.
And so it starts…
But maybe I just want to sleep in. Maybe I want him to go and get me a Starbucks coffee first thing in the morning before I wake up so I wake up smelling it on my side table next to the bed.
It’s really little things that make me happy. The thing is, is that my husband doesn’t need Mother’s Day to do that. Yes, you heard right, ladies. He would gladly do that anyway. He wants to make me happy. He makes me coffee every morning. What a concept!
A concept I couldn’t understand for years while dating the wrong guys over and over and over.
But now we have two children and I have to make a quick decision on what I want for Mother’s Day.
No, he’s not the type to plan. And yes, he is at the mall with my son at 9pm getting my present. Now, years into the marriage, it’s not something I focus on. He probably gets more out of the last minute pressure of buying me a gift than I do. After all, he said, “what do you want to do for Mother’s Day weekend?.”
Mother’s Day Weekend? Now it’s a weekend? Is this a French thing?
He likes to plan the dinner, the desert and so forth. So he does plan!!!!
I suppose he likes celebrations. I don’t think too much of it. It’s a day.
But is it just a day?
I guess it’s a day to remind myself and everyone about the hardest job I’ve ever had. It is also the most rewarding job that puts me on a emotional and physical roller coaster daily.
My heart filled up with joy as we sat in our first movie together eating popcorn today. I felt naughty giving him a little of my Cherry Coke. We giggled when it got dark in the theater and I was gleaming with pride and joy as I watched him staring at the screen that I told him would be much much bigger than our t.v. He sat through the whole movie, not a word. My angel thoroughly enjoyed it. At the end of the movie I had visions of us skipping out, happily making a stop to the restroom. But oh, no. No, no, no.
We skipped his nap.
After all, he can just sleep in the car on the way home, right?
And as he was melting down coming out of the theater simply because I wouldn’t take him to the beach, my pride turned into restlessness. I tried to tell myself that this is all the result of sugar and absence of his nap.
Thank God I was able to go to the restroom. Who knows how long this is going to last.
But he didn’t realize that. He just wanted to go to the beach. And every time he heard “no” he wailed a little louder.
So we passed this black Mercedes and in the front seat was a man and next to him a little girl. I smiled at him and he said something to the effect of, “good times….”
That’s when I knew. I knew he knew. And that’s the way it goes. WE are parents and we understood each other at that moment. I felt the stress lift a little.
As soon as I put Henri in his car seat the drama continued. You would think that I was torturing him by the way he was wailing.
He’s just tired. This will pass.
He wanted to go to the beach. Forget that I just took him to a movie and bought him popcorn. But I couldn’t even consider the beach. It was 3pm and hot and the beach would be crowded. But I shouldn’t of considered it. That’s the thing. That would be giving in. And I can’t count how many times I have done that. I just wanted the crying to stop. And I wanted my son to be happy.
And now I remember my mom telling me when I was younger that I was ungrateful. She was right. I was ungrateful. But I didn’t understand gratitude until I really lived it. Now I understand unconditional love and selflessness. She gave me unconditional love all those times that all I could say was,”I Want! I Want! I Want!” And there were times I shouldn’t of gotten what I wanted. But I did. Without gratitude.
And now I have the same decision she had to make, unsure if it was the right one.
Am I spoiling him? Are we giving him too much? Am I doing the right thing? Should I take something away?
These are all questions I ask myself daily. I still don’t know the answer. And neither did my mom. But I turned out okay though.
So what is it that I want for Mother’s Day?
What I want is to continue being a mother to my sons. That is all I want. That’s a privilege. It’s not something I will ever do perfect. It is something that makes me a better person.
Happy Mother’s Day