I was on the rebound from the last relationship when I met my husband. The ex boyfriend was about ten years younger than me. I thought he was the “one.” I met him on Match.com. He was mysterious, very well put together (designer everything), cultured and charming. He said he was in Central America working but would be in Miami soon. First red flag. Why are you looking for women in the U.S. if you work in Central America? I clearly ignored that. But I thought of it as mysterious, not shady.
Then I found out he had a big secret. By Valentines Day he told me his father had been the President of his country at one time. He dropped a BOMB. It all started to come together. It was a whirlwind romance and destined to fail. I thought he was romantic because his favorite flowers were tulips. I thought it was romantic to spend $100 on a taxi to come and see me. I was wrong. He was just rich. He wasn’t ready for a commitment. But he didn’t want to date women from his country because they were all after his money. It wasn’t his age. It was his lack of maturity. Alas, I was finally stuck with the realization that I would NOT be the next first lady of this country. I had pictured his Golden Retriever in our family portrait already. All of a sudden my Spanish was improving. Until he told me he was going to school in England. Second red flag that I ignored.
Thanks for the heads up.
When I came back from England from visiting him, he said he had a surprise for me. He told me that he would be interning in Miami for the summer and that we could finally be together. He stopped by for a couple days and said he would call or email soon when he returned to his country for two weeks. Well two weeks came and went. Third red flag. He just didn’t care about me or my feelings. So I sent him an email and told him never to contact me again. I was done.
I think that day was pivotal for me. It symbolized so much. First, it symbolized freedom. I no longer had to put up with men that didn’t respect me. I had been in many relationships where I was not treated respectfully or felt like I was not important but I stayed out of fear of not getting any better. Second, I no longer had to repeat the cycle of breaking up/making up like I had recently done with this last boyfriend. I enjoyed the drama of it all but in the end I was miserable. It was a power trip for both of us. Most of my relationships lasted about two months and then we would break up. And then make up. Break up. Make up. And the cycle continued until now.
Then my husband came along. I knew I would not find any better. And I finally believed I deserved to be happy and treated like a princess. He was the one. So I put myself in therapy asap. I was not about to mess up another relationship. He was worth it. I would later find out that I was the one that would have to change to be happy in my marriage and all my relationships.
Nicolas, my now husband asked to meet me for coffee and I told him that he was too young (freshly scorned I had learned my lesson). Ten years was too much. He also had longer hair than me and unless he was the lead singer of Metallica, the eighties had called and wanted their hair style back.
He cut his hair for me. So yes, he was perfect. But he was young so I was prepared to mold him. Change him. Control him. Until he told me he was French. But not until I was about to walk out the door to meet him. Scrrreeeeeeeeeech. Hold up. Uh oh. THIS was going to be work!
I thought he was arrogant. He thought I was wrong. It took years for us to get to a good place where we didn’t bicker over ridiculous things. Children will do that to you. They end up being your teachers. I can’t say anything now without reconsidering the consequences. My husband is also my teacher. He is my soul mate and the best husband and father I know. Thank God I winked back on Match.com.
So I’m posting this article attached to the post because it interested me and when I asked my husband why he liked older women, he pretty much got 4 out of 5 of the answers right. With my experience with the previous younger boyfriends, what they lacked was maturity. What I found with my husband is that he is sometimes more mature than myself. He is an old soul with a younger body. Enjoy!